Abandon ship, we're sinking!!
We keep hearing people ask, "so when is Miami going underwater". Very good fucking question. Time to answer this mystery. Our prediction is, everything staying the same, that by 2030 most of the 305 will be Atlantis! Crazy thought, right? So how come? Why are we in danger of sinking? Also a very good fucking question. There's multiple attributes to it, with the main being "global warming". Global warming, which many see as "fake news", is extreme weather conditions. No it's not just hot ass weather, it's also extreme cold. Our favorite president, Donald J Trump (NOTTTTT), once said that the beautiful city of New York had no problems with global warming, since last winter was so cold that most people couldn't go outside! Not for the first time, this fine gentleman is wrong. Global warming, we don't think we can say it enough, is EXTREME WEATHER CONDITIONS. In actuality, New York just like Miami is suffering from global warming, even though most don't know it.
When Miami was beginning to be developed, developers didn't think of sea levels as a threat. Yes, we're on the water but we seemed safe. We're above normal sea level and unlike the Netherlands, we WERE safe from flooding. Were being the key word. Decades have passed and things have changed. Now, Miami is continuously flooding, even if it doesn't rain, and the city of Miami, as well as Miami Beach, has no solid plan to fix it.
Our plan is simple. By 2030, we're packing up our bags, selling our property (if it still stands), and going to the mountains. Miami has too much water and not enough time to fix it. Unless some miracle comes through, which is very possible, our limestone will be filled with water, our beaches will become mangroves and our streets will be higher than Mount Everest. I mean, we rather be on Mount Everest than in it, right?